i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Girls should come with a carfax report
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
