is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
