Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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