These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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