____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
