Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
