Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
