There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
