he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
