so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
