i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
