yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Randomize
