omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
MIDGETS
????
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
