Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
