I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
