Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
