Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize