I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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