Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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