found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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