The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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