Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
