I want to walk on stilts...naked
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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