He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize