Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
