pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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