I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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