apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
