Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I want to make a zoo with you.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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