ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
