I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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