I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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