he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize