Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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