how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
