Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
