there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize