I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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