Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i think my mom watched the whole time
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
