I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
