sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize