Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
home. puking in laundry basket.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
