Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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