Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
