he wants to bone in the snuggie
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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