i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
