I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
