Farmville is her only friend.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
