Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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