Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize