Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
