drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
