I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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