I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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