I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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