Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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