I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
