You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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