Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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