Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
