My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
