it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
