no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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