I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
