stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
