I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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