I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
