But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Randomize
