You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
