THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
