Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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