He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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