it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
cat food counts as protein by the way
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
