Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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