If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
