we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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