i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Maybe he injected his testicle?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
