what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
