Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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