I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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