also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
