Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
