Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize