Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
