NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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