brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i dont even know how to be here
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
