dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
