New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
