meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
